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If I Ran the Circus

As a child, I loved the Dr. Seuss book “If I Ran the Circus.”  Little did I know it was a glimpse into my own future.  As an adult, I have found that I do run the circus.  Too bad, it doesn’t come with the really cool glittery outfits and feathery headdress.  That could be such fun.  I realized as I stood outside this morning fishing a kitten out of the dryer vent that Mr. McGurkis (the circus owner) and I have a lot in common.   My wolf-wanna-be dog trots by with a hot pink high heel flip flop in its mouth.   Who would purchase such, I thought.  I never know what treasure my dog is going to bring home each morning.  Last week she brought home a spine.  That's not something you find just anywhere.    Randi Hope, my confused white tail deer who imprinted on my husband and believes she is a retiree who should fish all day, wanders up quietly and has breakfast on the aglets of my shoes while I am elbow deep into the dryer vent.    I can hear the echo of my daughter crying inside the house through the dryer vent because she has managed to roll her Priscilla Presley hair up into a round brush and it won’t come out.  Our house alarm is going off for some unknown reason and I’m still arm deep in the vent holding onto the tail of a traumatized kitten.  My son is drumming on any surface that will make a hollow noise and the sounds begin to build to the point that  I could feel the blood vessels in my head exploding.   I was diagnosed with tinnitus a year ago which leaves me with a constant high pitched ringing in my ear 24/7.  I firmly believe it is from spending too much time with my head in dryer vents, pianos, and other loud hollow places fishing out family pets. My daughter is now standing outside with a brush attached to her head sobbing.  I would like to point out that my husband is off somewhere drifting across calm blue waters in his bass boat, soaking in the early morning sun, blissfully unaware of the chaos that is his household.  On second thought, he is probably acutely aware and that is why he is there and I am here.   I think I will put the circus on auto-pilot and buy my own boat and learn all that jib and yar talk.   Next time someone has hot-glued their hair to the counter or an animal is running loose with the neighbor’s lingerie hanging from its jowls, I will be out on the pond sailing in blissful circles watching the greatest show on Earth .... A show I love and wouldn't miss a minute of!

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