Confusion in the Shower

Shampoo, Rinse, Repeat -   I realized this morning that the instructions on the back of a bottle of shampoo were not put there by greedy marketing staff, but were written by some working mother who understands how one can stand naked in the shower wondering if they have already shampooed or not.  Our minds race with the needs and wants of our family members and while lathering gently, we are focused on which store might sell a tiny motor needed to build a model of a roller coaster for our son’s science project.  We are absorbed in thought by the new blue vein that has suddenly showed up around our ankle and wonder if it will go away or if it is just another Mom Tat.  Suddenly we stand there with water cascading down us, unsure if we just shampooed or not.  Thankfully - help is there.  On the back of the bottle, we are clearly exonerated from our own preoccupations and inability to remember if we have lathered up yet and are provided with instructions to do it again.  Lather up girl - it’s okay!   Of course, as with all vicious cycles, there should be instructions about when to stop.   Last week, I used an entire bottle of Pantene shampoo and washed my hair six times in one shower.    While I give props to the woman who knew to get this message on every shampoo bottle in the world, perhaps she could have taken it just a bit further for clarification.  I believe it should read....  “Shampoo, Rinse, Repeat, Check leg for signs of aging, Shampoo Again, Toss in some Cream Rinse, Look to see if belly is flatter than yesterday, Make shampoo bubble horns jet from your head because nobody can see you and you do have that dark side hidden away, Shampoo again because it’s keeping you from the piles of laundry that await you, Repeat until the water runs cold or you hear one of your kids screaming that they have just super-glued their hair to the counter.”  When that cycle is complete, you can rest assured that your hair is clean, straightened, and tangle free.  As the bottle promises, you will be ready to take on the world.